It’s the start of a brand new year, and that means it’s time for – you guessed it – making New Year’s Resolutions.
And while there are a number of worthy resolutions to make and (hopefully) keep – such as achieving your doctor-approved healthy weight, quitting smoking (again, with the help of your doctor), being more ecologically aware, and so on – we’d like to encourage all of the divorcing people out there to make these 3 resolutions for the year ahead:
RESOLUTION #1: I Resolve to Let Go of the Bitterness, Resentment and Anger that I feel Towards my Spouse
You cannot do to other people what you aren’t doing to yourself in the first place. For example, greedy people aren’t just greedy with others – they are greedy towards themselves. Hostile people aren’t just hostile with others – they are also hostile towards themselves. And the same goes for people who are bitter, resentful or angry towards their spouse. In order to express these powerful emotions, they first have to feel them inside – and that’s a lot of pain to be carrying around; pain that serves no healthy or productive purpose. It’s like walking around with giant, heavy rocks in your shoes all day, every day.
So if you’re among the many ex-spouses who carry around this kind of hurt and pain inside of you, do yourself a big favor in 2012 by letting go. Will your spouse benefit from your change of attitude? Sure. But you’ll benefit SO MUCH MORE! In fact, your whole life can change as you get rid of those heavy rocks in your shoes, and exchange them for light, inspired wings.
Read our helpful articles on divorce recovery.
RESOLUTION #2: I Resolve to Get the Coaching or Therapy Help that I Need
You may find that Resolution #1 is like learning to walk again – for every step you take, you have bumps and bruises to show for it! And while these bumps and bruises are emotional and psychological, they’re just as painful – sometimes even more so – than physical wounds.
So if you’re struggling on any level to get past your divorce – emotionally, psychologically, physically or in any other way – then resolve to reach out and get the professional therapy or divorce coaching that you need. There is NOTHING “weak” about doing this. In fact, getting professional help is among the smartest and strongest things you can do.
You can find experienced and compassionate divorce support groups, therapists and divorce coaches on this site. You can also read our helpful articles on divorce therapy.
RESOLUTION #3: I Resolve to Open Myself Up to a New Relationship – Whatever Kind it May Be
Divorce can convince some people to swear-off dating – let alone developing a serious relationship – forever. And while this attitude is perfectly understandable, it’s also potentially one that does more harm than good.
Of course, if your divorce is recent, or there are still some key issues that you need to reconcile within yourself (and staying committed to Resolution #2 can help with this), then we certainly don’t recommend that you jump back into the dating scene.
But if your divorce is safely and firmly in the past, and virtually every other aspect of your life has moved on – your finances, your job, your friendships, and so on – then being open to a possible relationship could be inspiring and even transformative.
Are you assured that a new relationship will be “perfect”? No. Just consider being open to new friendships and relationships. If they develop into something more intimate, then embrace that experience. And if you can take ownership of the issues in your previous marriage that you either created, enabled or in some way contributed to (intentionally or unintentionally), then you increase your chances of not just being happy, but of making someone else happy.
Read our helpful articles on dating and the single-life after divorce.
So there you have the three resolutions that could make your 2012 the best year ever – one where you reclaim your right to be happy, enthusiastic and inspired by all that life has to offer. Good luck!
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Art by Dan Couvrette, father of two boys, remarried, CEO and Publisher of Divorce Magazine and 
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